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Actually, we’re never safe with
sin and ourselves around. (But there is safety in the arms of our Savior amidst
the troubles of this world.) We need friends. A good friend will sharpen us
(Proverbs 27:17) and encourage and give hearty counsel (Proverbs 27:9). In Proverbs
it tells us that it is foolish to seek our own desire and to isolate ourselves
(18:1), but that there is actually safety in a multitude of counselors (11:14).
I’ve known both the pain and the
joy friendships can bring. Except for a few pen pals that I had as a young
girl, the only good friends I had as I grew up were my sisters, (and we’re
still very good friends!). Not all, but most of the “friends” that my family
and I had at a certain point in my childhood didn’t exactly manifest grace or
forgiveness or words of truth.
I was keenly aware that I could do one wrong thing and that would
possibly be the end of the friendship. I’ve had to accept that God had a reason
for those unusual friendships. I think experiencing the tension of that has intensified
my desire to become a good friend. It makes me eager to know what being a true
friend really is, because I want to be that friend.
But as much as we need friends,
we need to find our total rest and confidence in the Lord, otherwise we run the
risk of becoming bitter from hurts, plus we’ll have something worth imparting
to others when the Lord is our joy! If we’re in constant fellowship with our
Friend, He will seep through us more and more and we will grow more and more
into the friend we would like to have.
Christ laid down his life at the
cross and showed true sacrificial love. His grace is boundless. He is full of
joy. Through His word He gives us words of refreshment and warning. He cares
for us. He is faithful and forgiving (He doesn’t suddenly give up on us if we
mess up). The list goes on. Aren’t these characteristics that
we’re drawn to in a friend? (I’ve also come to the conclusion that the Lord has
a sense of humor, and I love that in a friend!)
A friend is an imitator of
Christ. They die to themselves and are someone who is there in the thick and
thin and display the selfless love and forgiveness of Christ. They show
interest in what another is doing. They're able to confront sin and also are
affirming and pointing others to Christ.
It’s easy to become dependent on
our friends, especially when we see these qualities in them. But that is the
surest way to collapse into discouragement. The Lord is the dependable one and
the only one worthy of this reliance. When we’re not depending on a friend,
there is really no room for retaliation or bad feelings towards them because
you’re not having unrealistic expectations of them.
This means that if we feel weak
and unable to be a good friend, we’re then more qualified than ever to be a
true friend! For He tells us: “”My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is
made perfect in weakness.”’ {2 Corinthians 12:9}. He is perfected in our
weakness. (That’s encouragement!)
When we live in the awareness of
our sinfulness and Christ’s mercy and grace, we are the best equipped to be a
selfless friend! There’s safety in this
kind of cross centered friendship. It’s easy to want to keep a record of wrongs
and feel sorry for oneself when someone doesn’t treat us the way we think we
should be treated. This is why we need to look to the cross to find the source
of being a good friend. We have been forgiven so much. In light of this amazing
forgiveness, this erasing of our wrongs against a Holy and just God, how can
we, who are forgiven, keep a record of wrongs against a friend? In a true
friendship, whenever we fall there is forgiveness waiting.
True friendships are built in the
unchanging grace, love, and joy that only come from Jesus. When we spend
time in the presence of Jesus and bask in His character we will be able to be a
true friend – loving people truly, for no selfish gain of our own. All of our
deepest needs are met in Him (and a faithful friend will remind another friend
of this when they’re struggling).
Let’s be occupied with Someone
much greater than ourselves. Treasure Jesus. Be steadfast in Him. Let’s see
every pain in a friendship as an opportunity to extend and manifest His grace.
What a beautiful thing that we can manifest our Friend’s character to the friends
that the Lord has chosen to place in our path. It’s not a painless journey by
any means. It’s a constant living out of God’s grace. It’s a constant dying to
bring life. It’s setting our gaze outward. Life-filled, God-glorifying
friendships are worth it!
~Ana R. Wolf
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